Since I have not updated since November, a lot sure has changed!
-The girls and I finished our school year. Hard to believe that I now have a 3rd grader and a kindergartener living in my house. Where did the time go? It is already time to begin the planning for our school year. I have totally changed curricula for the girls and I am praying that it will be a good fit. Since this is the first year I will be required to school both of them, that will be change enough in itself. One of the new choices I made is Heart of Dakota. It is the spine of our choices and has Bible/History at its core. I really like the fact that history is presented as "His story" and that they use Bible history as the spine of their timeline. They feed world history into that timeline. I am a little concerned about the science for Sunshine Girl. Seems a little weak to me ... she LOVES science, so I can see me doing a LOT of beefing up in that area. I still feel like this is the direction the Lord wants us to go(at least for now) as other things have changed and I don't think I'm going to have as much planning time to work with this year. This is more of an "open and go" curriculum. Hopefully, I got the right nudge from the Lord in this. Also changed to Saxon math ~ supposedly you can't go wrong with it.
-At the end of the school year last year, I was simply "one tired mama"! I had schooled Sunshine Girl hard and 'Lil Princess a few days a week (when we were both up to it). All I could think about was "summer is coming and then I can put on my mommy hat and hang up my teacher hat" for a while. I was truly looking forward to doing things with the girls, relaxing a bit, spending time with friends, and just "hanging out".
God had other plans. I can't honestly say that I like His plans right now. My MIL had a stroke on April 18th and spent the next month in a rehab hospital near our home. When she left there, she came to live with us. NOT in MY plans. We put the girls in the same bedroom, bought bunk beds for them, and downsized their "stuff". NOT in MY plans. We arranged for home health therapists to come (sometimes 3 different ones in a day), which meant I felt the need to keep my house cleaner than usual. Again, NOT in MY plans. We've basically hung around the house and the kids have spent the summer outside with the neighbor boys- either in the pool or in the woods. NOT in MY plans. Now, we are taking MIL to outpatient therapy 3 afternoons a week back at the rehab hospital. Once again, you guessed ... NOT in MY plans. I could go on ... my sister is suffering with depression/chemical imbalance issues and I can't be at home to help relieve my parents at all. NOT MY idea. They can't come up to visit much. NOT MY plan.
God's plans don't look like MY plans. It has been a different kind of summer for me ... not one that I've enjoyed, but one in which I have learned a lot about myself. And, "it ain't purty". I've learned how selfish and full of ME I am. I've learned how my priorities are often not what they should be. I've learned how often I don't take things to the Lord and leave them with Him. I've learned that I am not enough, I can't do it all, I am weak, and I don't have it all together. Somehow, I've gone from being "teacher" to being a student in God's classroom of life. I guess that's where I should have been all along. It doesn't make it any easier to realize all of that, but it does show me that God had a purpose all along and that it really doesn't have to do with my MIL getting better. It has to do with teaching this "Mommy/Wife/Teacher/Daughter/Nurse/Friend" that I HAVE to rely on Him and let Him work through me. It has to do with me learning to day by day, moment by moment, yield the control that I crave so desperately to Him and leave it with Him. It has to do with me learning to deny self and put my faith and trust in Him. It really is all about HIM, not me. HE is enough, I am nothing.
Yes, the overwhelming feelings still come and go. But a verse I am beginning to cling to tightly is Psalm 61:2 "From the ends of the earth I will cry. When my heart is overwhelmed within me, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." I cry. I get overwhelmed (in fact, I feel like I stay that way most of the time). But there is the ROCK that sees it all, has it all in control, and knew it was all coming my way long before I did. The ROCK that does not move. The ROCK that is strong and steadfast. HE wants me to seek him and He has found a way to get through to me!
Yes, I am still "one tired mama!". Yes, my summer plans have gone awry. No, I still don't LIKE it. But I am learning. I still fail. But I am learning.
