Since I have not updated since November, a lot sure has changed!
-The girls and I finished our school year. Hard to believe that I now have a 3rd grader and a kindergartener living in my house. Where did the time go? It is already time to begin the planning for our school year. I have totally changed curricula for the girls and I am praying that it will be a good fit. Since this is the first year I will be required to school both of them, that will be change enough in itself. One of the new choices I made is Heart of Dakota. It is the spine of our choices and has Bible/History at its core. I really like the fact that history is presented as "His story" and that they use Bible history as the spine of their timeline. They feed world history into that timeline. I am a little concerned about the science for Sunshine Girl. Seems a little weak to me ... she LOVES science, so I can see me doing a LOT of beefing up in that area. I still feel like this is the direction the Lord wants us to go(at least for now) as other things have changed and I don't think I'm going to have as much planning time to work with this year. This is more of an "open and go" curriculum. Hopefully, I got the right nudge from the Lord in this. Also changed to Saxon math ~ supposedly you can't go wrong with it.
-At the end of the school year last year, I was simply "one tired mama"! I had schooled Sunshine Girl hard and 'Lil Princess a few days a week (when we were both up to it). All I could think about was "summer is coming and then I can put on my mommy hat and hang up my teacher hat" for a while. I was truly looking forward to doing things with the girls, relaxing a bit, spending time with friends, and just "hanging out".
God had other plans. I can't honestly say that I like His plans right now. My MIL had a stroke on April 18th and spent the next month in a rehab hospital near our home. When she left there, she came to live with us. NOT in MY plans. We put the girls in the same bedroom, bought bunk beds for them, and downsized their "stuff". NOT in MY plans. We arranged for home health therapists to come (sometimes 3 different ones in a day), which meant I felt the need to keep my house cleaner than usual. Again, NOT in MY plans. We've basically hung around the house and the kids have spent the summer outside with the neighbor boys- either in the pool or in the woods. NOT in MY plans. Now, we are taking MIL to outpatient therapy 3 afternoons a week back at the rehab hospital. Once again, you guessed ... NOT in MY plans. I could go on ... my sister is suffering with depression/chemical imbalance issues and I can't be at home to help relieve my parents at all. NOT MY idea. They can't come up to visit much. NOT MY plan.
God's plans don't look like MY plans. It has been a different kind of summer for me ... not one that I've enjoyed, but one in which I have learned a lot about myself. And, "it ain't purty". I've learned how selfish and full of ME I am. I've learned how my priorities are often not what they should be. I've learned how often I don't take things to the Lord and leave them with Him. I've learned that I am not enough, I can't do it all, I am weak, and I don't have it all together. Somehow, I've gone from being "teacher" to being a student in God's classroom of life. I guess that's where I should have been all along. It doesn't make it any easier to realize all of that, but it does show me that God had a purpose all along and that it really doesn't have to do with my MIL getting better. It has to do with teaching this "Mommy/Wife/Teacher/Daughter/Nurse/Friend" that I HAVE to rely on Him and let Him work through me. It has to do with me learning to day by day, moment by moment, yield the control that I crave so desperately to Him and leave it with Him. It has to do with me learning to deny self and put my faith and trust in Him. It really is all about HIM, not me. HE is enough, I am nothing.
Yes, the overwhelming feelings still come and go. But a verse I am beginning to cling to tightly is Psalm 61:2 "From the ends of the earth I will cry. When my heart is overwhelmed within me, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." I cry. I get overwhelmed (in fact, I feel like I stay that way most of the time). But there is the ROCK that sees it all, has it all in control, and knew it was all coming my way long before I did. The ROCK that does not move. The ROCK that is strong and steadfast. HE wants me to seek him and He has found a way to get through to me!
Yes, I am still "one tired mama!". Yes, my summer plans have gone awry. No, I still don't LIKE it. But I am learning. I still fail. But I am learning.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
"Where did you learn THAT word?"
Last week, my family and I took a week long "edventure" to Williamsburg, Jamestown, Yorktown, and Mount Vernon. It was a wonderful trip with both sets of grandparents and an aunt going with us. I thought "vacation" was supposed to leave you feeling nice and relaxed ... HAHAHAHA!!! Anyway ...
My girls had been doing chores and earning "Virginia money" to spend for their souvenirs. Both had saved for several months (and Nana, Granny, and Pop-Pop had contributed loose change to the cause!) and both ended up with around $70-$75 to spend. Of course, everywhere we went, they thought it was time to spend their money. Sunshine Girl is not what I'd call a spendthrift. She was ready to buy the first day and spend all of her money. I reminded her that we had several stops to make during the week and that if she spent all of her money on day 1 that day 7 might not be quite as fun. So she settled for a "colonial" fan and a signal whistle. Satisfied!
On day 2 or 3, we were walking through the visitor's center at Colonial Williamsburg and there was a bookstore just as you went in. Well, any teacher is a glutton for a bookstore, so in we marched. Sunshine Girl spied a cute colonial girl doll (think American Girl, but another brand) that also had a book about the real girl behind the doll. She fell in love (which is kind of weird because she really doesn't play too much with dolls). All week, she kept debating whether to purchase the doll or not. All of the grown ups conspired against her ... "Well, just wait until the end of the week and if you still want her the most, she'll be there for you." Of course, it seemed that EVERY gift shop in Williamsburg had the same doll. It was pure TORTURE.
One day I had taken the girls for a potty break. (One of MANY!) As we entered the restroom, Sunshine Girl said, "I have a case of the s***-I's!" Oh my word!!! WHERE did that come from. I thought maybe I'd heard wrong. So I asked her (calmly), "What did you say?" And, much to my great dismay, she said it again. Not wanting to over-react, I asked her where she had heard that word. "Oh, nowhere. I just made it up." I asked the third time, "What are you saying, again?" And for the third time, she says, "I told you I have a case of the s****-I's." Finally, realizing that this was going nowhere fast, I asked, "Well, what is that? What do you mean by that?" She looked at me like I was from another planet. "Mom, you know. SHOULD I buy this or SHOULD I buy that? You know, the s***-I's."
Whew! I thought my child had gone completely wretched on me. I calmly explained that if she were going to use that made-up word she needed to pronounce it very carefully, that it sounded too much like a word we don't use the way she was saying it. She got the puzzled look on her face and said, "What? I'm not saying a bad word. What bad word does it sound like?" I spelled it (after instructing her again not to SAY the word) and she acted like she had never HEARD the word. "What is that, Mom?"
Oh, nevermind. Just keep your innocence, my love. In due time, your mind will be full of corrupt words that you hear from the world around you. In the meantime, just keep your enunciation clear and don't worry so much!! :)
My girls had been doing chores and earning "Virginia money" to spend for their souvenirs. Both had saved for several months (and Nana, Granny, and Pop-Pop had contributed loose change to the cause!) and both ended up with around $70-$75 to spend. Of course, everywhere we went, they thought it was time to spend their money. Sunshine Girl is not what I'd call a spendthrift. She was ready to buy the first day and spend all of her money. I reminded her that we had several stops to make during the week and that if she spent all of her money on day 1 that day 7 might not be quite as fun. So she settled for a "colonial" fan and a signal whistle. Satisfied!
On day 2 or 3, we were walking through the visitor's center at Colonial Williamsburg and there was a bookstore just as you went in. Well, any teacher is a glutton for a bookstore, so in we marched. Sunshine Girl spied a cute colonial girl doll (think American Girl, but another brand) that also had a book about the real girl behind the doll. She fell in love (which is kind of weird because she really doesn't play too much with dolls). All week, she kept debating whether to purchase the doll or not. All of the grown ups conspired against her ... "Well, just wait until the end of the week and if you still want her the most, she'll be there for you." Of course, it seemed that EVERY gift shop in Williamsburg had the same doll. It was pure TORTURE.
One day I had taken the girls for a potty break. (One of MANY!) As we entered the restroom, Sunshine Girl said, "I have a case of the s***-I's!" Oh my word!!! WHERE did that come from. I thought maybe I'd heard wrong. So I asked her (calmly), "What did you say?" And, much to my great dismay, she said it again. Not wanting to over-react, I asked her where she had heard that word. "Oh, nowhere. I just made it up." I asked the third time, "What are you saying, again?" And for the third time, she says, "I told you I have a case of the s****-I's." Finally, realizing that this was going nowhere fast, I asked, "Well, what is that? What do you mean by that?" She looked at me like I was from another planet. "Mom, you know. SHOULD I buy this or SHOULD I buy that? You know, the s***-I's."
Whew! I thought my child had gone completely wretched on me. I calmly explained that if she were going to use that made-up word she needed to pronounce it very carefully, that it sounded too much like a word we don't use the way she was saying it. She got the puzzled look on her face and said, "What? I'm not saying a bad word. What bad word does it sound like?" I spelled it (after instructing her again not to SAY the word) and she acted like she had never HEARD the word. "What is that, Mom?"
Oh, nevermind. Just keep your innocence, my love. In due time, your mind will be full of corrupt words that you hear from the world around you. In the meantime, just keep your enunciation clear and don't worry so much!! :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
The Treasure Chest
A week ago Saturday, my family attended the funeral/memorial service for the son of a friend from our church. He tragically died at age 18 while going for an evening run. His testimony is left with us, but it was a difficult funeral for all who were there. It seems, on a human level, that his life was cut short, but for believers, we know that he is at home now and is no longer cumbered down with all the things that 18 year olds are faced with here on earth. I know that he wouldn't trade places now for anything. Yes, in some ways, I am jealous.
Anyway, I looked for a sitter for my girls so that they would not have to attend the funeral. However, just about everyone I know around here was going to the funeral, so I really had no choice but to take them. I decided we should sit in the balcony of our church ... didn't really want them to have to "view" the body. Of course, the church was PACKED. We ended up sitting in full view of the open casket and they couldn't help but see his body. Oh well. So much for sheltering my Lil Princess and Sunshine Girl. Anyway, they handled everything well ... no nightmares ... no really hard questions.
After the family had a chance for one last look at his body, the funeral home workers began to close his casket. My sweet little Princess was sitting on my lap taking it ALL in. I was already fighting the battle of tears, when she sweetly pulled my head down to her and whispered sweetly in my ears, "Mommy, they are closing up the treasure chest." I don't know when the last time I thought "Out of the mouth of babes" before that day. But that was exactly my thought. And, boy, did I cry then.
Yes, that is one way to look at a casket ... a treasure chest. Not wishing to sound morbid, I thought about that (and still do). I know that the real Joseph was not there in that casket, but to those who knew and loved him, we loved the Joseph in bodily form. His mother carried that bodily form within her for 9 months and took care of it for 18 years. I am sure that his father rough-housed with that bodily form. His brothers and sister hugged, pinched, hit, that bodily form. Joseph's bodily form was the shell that housed the real Joseph. It's what we see the pictures of and how we remember Joseph. So in some ways, that "treasure chest" WAS holding a treasure.
I can't imagine losing one of my own children. They are indeed my treasures! To have to see one in her own "treasure chest" would kill me, but for the grace of God. But, I know that Joseph was treasured just as my girls are. And, maybe to a 4 year old little girl, thinking of a casket as a treasure chest isn't as far off as one might initially think.
Anyway, I looked for a sitter for my girls so that they would not have to attend the funeral. However, just about everyone I know around here was going to the funeral, so I really had no choice but to take them. I decided we should sit in the balcony of our church ... didn't really want them to have to "view" the body. Of course, the church was PACKED. We ended up sitting in full view of the open casket and they couldn't help but see his body. Oh well. So much for sheltering my Lil Princess and Sunshine Girl. Anyway, they handled everything well ... no nightmares ... no really hard questions.
After the family had a chance for one last look at his body, the funeral home workers began to close his casket. My sweet little Princess was sitting on my lap taking it ALL in. I was already fighting the battle of tears, when she sweetly pulled my head down to her and whispered sweetly in my ears, "Mommy, they are closing up the treasure chest." I don't know when the last time I thought "Out of the mouth of babes" before that day. But that was exactly my thought. And, boy, did I cry then.
Yes, that is one way to look at a casket ... a treasure chest. Not wishing to sound morbid, I thought about that (and still do). I know that the real Joseph was not there in that casket, but to those who knew and loved him, we loved the Joseph in bodily form. His mother carried that bodily form within her for 9 months and took care of it for 18 years. I am sure that his father rough-housed with that bodily form. His brothers and sister hugged, pinched, hit, that bodily form. Joseph's bodily form was the shell that housed the real Joseph. It's what we see the pictures of and how we remember Joseph. So in some ways, that "treasure chest" WAS holding a treasure.
I can't imagine losing one of my own children. They are indeed my treasures! To have to see one in her own "treasure chest" would kill me, but for the grace of God. But, I know that Joseph was treasured just as my girls are. And, maybe to a 4 year old little girl, thinking of a casket as a treasure chest isn't as far off as one might initially think.
Monday, October 18, 2010
When dreams die ....
Sunshine Girl did something for the first time 2 weeks ago. She auditioned ("tried out") for a part in the church Christmas Cantada, Peanut Butter Christmas. Yep, I was surprised, but I really should not have been. You see, she is the type that will try just about anything once.
Anyway, she was SO excited about the possibility of saying lines in the play. Of course, I said all of the motherly things like, "Oh, I'm so proud of you for trying out." and "Just remember that only one person will get the part and don't be too upset if it's not your turn this year" and "If you did your best, that is all you can do." Of course, deep down, I wondered how my little girl did when it was her turn. (Did you use a lot of expression in your voice? Did you FEEL the part? Were you enthusiastic?) Of course, I asked all the other questions like, "Who else tried out?", "How many girl parts are there?", and "Do you really think that would be fun to do?"
She was so excited to go to church on Sunday night, " 'cause we find out who got the parts tonight." Well, I already knew it wasn't her (due to the note in the church bulletin), but I thought it may have been best to let her find that out for herself. Her dad thought otherwise and told her in the car on the way to church that evening. Talk about taking the wind out of her sails. :( Of course, my mommy heart hurt for her, especially when she said, "Nothing ever works out right for me. I never get to do anything special. What's the point of being in a cantada if you can't say anything?"
How to cheer a disappointed little girl and yet help her realize that this will be just the first of many disappointments in life without making life seem so dreary???? When what I really wanted to do was go in there and demand a rematch!! :) *Not really!* (But you get the idea). Mommys are supposed to defend their little girls, right? Unfortunately, at the time she found out that her "dream" had died, I could not turn around and hug the hurt away.
About all I could do is tell her to keep trying and to sing the songs to the best of her ability.
My little Sunshine Girl is growing up. She didn't need the mommy hug to make it all better. All she needed was to hear that I was proud of her for trying, a few minutes to absorb the disappointment, and another practice round during church ... and she was off smiling and playing as usual! :) Whew! Round one is over! Sunshine Girl has won!
Anyway, she was SO excited about the possibility of saying lines in the play. Of course, I said all of the motherly things like, "Oh, I'm so proud of you for trying out." and "Just remember that only one person will get the part and don't be too upset if it's not your turn this year" and "If you did your best, that is all you can do." Of course, deep down, I wondered how my little girl did when it was her turn. (Did you use a lot of expression in your voice? Did you FEEL the part? Were you enthusiastic?) Of course, I asked all the other questions like, "Who else tried out?", "How many girl parts are there?", and "Do you really think that would be fun to do?"
She was so excited to go to church on Sunday night, " 'cause we find out who got the parts tonight." Well, I already knew it wasn't her (due to the note in the church bulletin), but I thought it may have been best to let her find that out for herself. Her dad thought otherwise and told her in the car on the way to church that evening. Talk about taking the wind out of her sails. :( Of course, my mommy heart hurt for her, especially when she said, "Nothing ever works out right for me. I never get to do anything special. What's the point of being in a cantada if you can't say anything?"
How to cheer a disappointed little girl and yet help her realize that this will be just the first of many disappointments in life without making life seem so dreary???? When what I really wanted to do was go in there and demand a rematch!! :) *Not really!* (But you get the idea). Mommys are supposed to defend their little girls, right? Unfortunately, at the time she found out that her "dream" had died, I could not turn around and hug the hurt away.
About all I could do is tell her to keep trying and to sing the songs to the best of her ability.
My little Sunshine Girl is growing up. She didn't need the mommy hug to make it all better. All she needed was to hear that I was proud of her for trying, a few minutes to absorb the disappointment, and another practice round during church ... and she was off smiling and playing as usual! :) Whew! Round one is over! Sunshine Girl has won!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Good Idea or No?
My girls have been "sharing" a room now for a month. By this, I mean they have had a month long "sleepover". They have slept on air mattresses in Sunshine Girl's bedroom since that one Friday night when they begged us to have a slumber party. Yes, I have let it go on THAT long! It has really kind of become a nuisance to me, though, 'cause I can't stand a mess and that's what the bedroom was turning into. Oh, yes, each week we would put the air mattresses up on the bed and do our cleaning and vacuuming, but by nightfall, the 2 air mattresses wound up down on the floor again, with 2 little girls sleeping soundly.
So, today, I took the challenge of really letting them share a room. So, now we have this cute bedroom (with non-matching comforters! UGGHHH!!!), complete with books for Sunshine Girl and books for Lil Princess, a chest of drawers that I will soon combine for both of the girls, and a huge mess in 2 closets!!! And then, there is this thing called "THE PLAY ROOM". I think I have found my new thorn in the flesh. As I said, I HATE a mess. I envision that room looking like Japan after the bomb struck it or like Kansas after the tornado. I wonder how long this sharing of a bedroom is really going to last???
So, today, I took the challenge of really letting them share a room. So, now we have this cute bedroom (with non-matching comforters! UGGHHH!!!), complete with books for Sunshine Girl and books for Lil Princess, a chest of drawers that I will soon combine for both of the girls, and a huge mess in 2 closets!!! And then, there is this thing called "THE PLAY ROOM". I think I have found my new thorn in the flesh. As I said, I HATE a mess. I envision that room looking like Japan after the bomb struck it or like Kansas after the tornado. I wonder how long this sharing of a bedroom is really going to last???
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Random thoughts
The other day I had my 2 girls "picking up" ... you know, getting all of the mess that they had taken out during the day back into their rooms and in the right spots. I overheard Lil Princess grumbling to Sunshine Girl, "Yeah, we're having to be servants to Mommy ... having to pick up all this stuff and work for her!" Guess we now have the new meaning to "child labor"???
Revival services have been just tremendous this week at Oakwood. Loving the speaker, the spirit of the people, and most of all how the Lord is convicting me of areas in my life that I need to change in. One song that the choir sang has been on my mind a lot, just a phrase or two here and there ... "May all who come behind me find me faithful ... may the footprints that we leave lead them to believe and the life we live inspire them to obey ... " (at least that's the way I think it goes). Anyway, I think of those who will come behind me, my children and possibly grandchildren one day far into the future ... Is the life I am living right now worthy of being copied? Am I being faithful to the One who loves me most and gave Himself for me? Where does my passion lie? Is the example I am setting one that I truly WANT to be setting? I fall so short in so many areas of my life ... sometimes I think I am a complete failure as a mom and that it will only be by God's grace that my girls turn out half normal. My prayer is that God will use his word to teach ME how to more closely follow Him, to ignite the PASSION in my life for Him and that my girls will see that in me and desire to follow me in my pursuit of God.
It is nearly midnight as I write, and my two girls are in Sunshine Girl's bedroom GIGGLING!!! UGGGGHHHH!!!! The girls have slept in there for nearly 3 weeks together and this is the first night that it has been like this ... I love to hear them giggle with each other, but I have a feeling the giggling at this time of night will make for grouchy, whiney girls tomorrow! Simple pleasure of my day is hearing them and I can't seem to make myself get up and get it under control!
Good Night, all!
Revival services have been just tremendous this week at Oakwood. Loving the speaker, the spirit of the people, and most of all how the Lord is convicting me of areas in my life that I need to change in. One song that the choir sang has been on my mind a lot, just a phrase or two here and there ... "May all who come behind me find me faithful ... may the footprints that we leave lead them to believe and the life we live inspire them to obey ... " (at least that's the way I think it goes). Anyway, I think of those who will come behind me, my children and possibly grandchildren one day far into the future ... Is the life I am living right now worthy of being copied? Am I being faithful to the One who loves me most and gave Himself for me? Where does my passion lie? Is the example I am setting one that I truly WANT to be setting? I fall so short in so many areas of my life ... sometimes I think I am a complete failure as a mom and that it will only be by God's grace that my girls turn out half normal. My prayer is that God will use his word to teach ME how to more closely follow Him, to ignite the PASSION in my life for Him and that my girls will see that in me and desire to follow me in my pursuit of God.
It is nearly midnight as I write, and my two girls are in Sunshine Girl's bedroom GIGGLING!!! UGGGGHHHH!!!! The girls have slept in there for nearly 3 weeks together and this is the first night that it has been like this ... I love to hear them giggle with each other, but I have a feeling the giggling at this time of night will make for grouchy, whiney girls tomorrow! Simple pleasure of my day is hearing them and I can't seem to make myself get up and get it under control!
Good Night, all!
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